Alcoholic Beverages and Other Stuff
by Flying-Whippet
Summary: Pokemon are attacking Paradigm City, Beck and Dorothy are dating and Norman is wearing a tutu.


Note: This is my first Big O fanfic. It is very stupid, just like the banana muffin I am eating. See? That made no sense.  
  
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Roger was locked inside a chocolate factory, all alone. There were mountains of sweet milk chocolate candies everywhere. He turned his head to the side and he was looking down an isle. There at the very end was the mother of all chocolate bars! He could smell its sweet aroma. Slowly but surely he started making his way to it. It was wonderful, he could almost taste it now and he wouldn't have to share it with anyone. Almost there.he put his hands on it and leaned in, ready to take a bite.  
  
Roger was suddenly jerked out of his slumber, his heart pounding. Dorothy's loud piano playing had woken him up yet again. He snarled, clambered out of bed and swung open the door. "R DOROTHY WAYNERIGHT!" He screamed.  
  
"Good morning Roger. Your breakfast has gotten cold and it probably tastes like crap now."  
  
"I don't care! I was having the most wonderful dream until you woke me up!"  
  
Dorothy turned her head and looked at him. "You should calm down. You're starting to turn red."  
  
"You listen here Dorothy, I-what the hell!?" Roger's jaw dropped and he stared over at the person lying on his couch. "BECK!"  
  
"What's up Crow Boy?" Beck said cheerfully.  
  
"What are you doing in my house?" Roger stomped over to him. "And why aren't you wearing any pants!?"  
  
Beck stood up and crossed his arms. "That's not a very polite way to welcome your house guest."  
  
"Why don't you point that thing somewhere else?" Roger was shaking now.  
  
Beck looked down at the yellow thong he was wearing, snorted and flopped back down on the sofa. "As it just so happens Dorothy and I are now dating. So get used to seeing me here a lot more."  
  
Roger whipped around to face Dorothy. Dorothy looked back at him and nodded. Roger's eyes popped out and he tried to talk but he started coughing instead. "Cough COUGH HACK COUGH!!!" He gasped and fell on the floor.  
  
Norman entered the room wearing a pink tutu when he heard all the commotion. He saw Roger crumbled on the floor. "Master Roger! What's the matter?" He danced over to Roger and looked down at him. Roger was starting to turn a funny shade of white.  
  
"He started choking." Dorothy informed him. She walked over to Roger and slapped him on the back until he could breathe again.  
  
"I can't believe you are dating HIM!" Roger yelled. "I'm going out!" And so he did, still in his pajamas. He got into his car and started driving. He decided to go see Dan; it wasn't like there was anything better to do. Then suddenly something yellow zipped right in front of the moving vehicle. Roger stepped on the breaks but it was too late. The Griffin collided and the yellow thing splattered against the windshield. "GROSS!" Roger exclaimed. He put on the windshield wipers but that just made blood and guts smear all across the glass. "What a hell of a day!" He growled. "I wonder what it was I hit." He got out of his car and looked at it.  
  
"POKEMON ARE ATTACKING THE CITY!"  
  
Roger turned around when he heard the familiar voice of Dan Dastun. Roger waved to get his attention and Dan ran over to him. "Roger! Are you alright? You just hit a Pikachu!"  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A Pokemon!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
Just then a Jigglypuff came scampering out in front of them.  
  
"Holy crap! A Jigglypuff shoot it!" Dan screeched. One of the officers took out his gun and mowed the Jigglypuff in half. "Alright men, move out and defend the city! We can't let these Pokemon run rampant like this!" The entire military squad rode by on bicycles, their guns at the ready.  
  
Roger looked confused. "Why are they all on bikes?"  
  
"Paradigm cut our funding." Dan shrugged. "Why are you in your pajamas?"  
  
"I didn't feel like getting dressed, and I don't have to. I'm a free human being."  
  
"Whatever." Dan said and ran off to go battle Pokemon.  
  
"I think I could lend a hand." Roger said. "Big O!"  
  
Big O emerged from the street. He was painted pink and white and was wearing a big fluffy tutu. Roger called Norman on the little round TV thing. "Norman! What the hell did you do to Big O!?" He demanded.  
  
"I thought he needed a makeover. Black was really getting old."  
  
"How is Big O supposed to fight Pokemon looking like THIS!?"  
  
"You'll see!" Norman said happily.  
  
Roger grumbled and then noticed a pack of Pokemon heading toward the domes. "No you don't!" Roger yelled. Big O did a triple Lutz, landing on top of all the Pokemon. The Pokemon made a squashy noise as they were all stepped on.  
  
The military police rode by on their bicycles, tooting their little bike horns.  
  
"That was pretty cool." Roger admitted. "But black is still the best color!"  
  
After all of the Pokemon were dead, Roger went back home. When he walked into the living room he saw Beck and Dorothy making out on the couch. "Get a room!" He hollered. They ignored him so he went to his big cupboard where the alcoholic beverages were kept. He took out five bottles and drank them all. Hammered, he lit a match and threw it on Beck's head. Beck's hair started on fire and he rain around in small circles, yelling. "My hair is on fire!"  
  
"You are a louse Roger Smith!" Dorothy slapped him.  
  
"I need water!" Beck screamed.  
  
Roger handed him a bottle of alcohol. Beck poured it on his head and the fire got bigger. Roger laughed. Dorothy got a bucket of water and put Beck out.  
  
"What the heck?" Roger asked. Beck's hair was totally undamaged.  
  
"Fire retardant hair gel!" Beck explained.  
  
"I hate you." Roger said, and then passed out from drinking so much. When he awoke some hours later he was wearing a large padded bra and black makeup. "What is the meaning of this?" He asked.  
  
Dorothy and Beck pointed and laughed at him. "We just thought we'd get you back for lighting me on fire!" Beck giggled. Roger stood up, "You listen here you two, I-BLAAAAAAAAAA!" He barfed all over them.  
  
"Now I have to take a shower!" said Dorothy. "Me too!" said Beck. They smiled at each other and ran to the bathroom so they could shower together.  
  
"I'm going to bed." Roger announced. "Norman, I want you to paint Big O black again, or else!" He stomped off to bed.  
  
"Yes Master Roger." Norman said sadly.  
  
THE END 


End file.
